Stacking Plates & other restaurant etiquette…
This topic is one that my husband and I have prolonged dialogue about for both edification and amusement. He was raised with a little book called Emily Post Talks with Teens About Etiquette, or some such title, so he has very definite ideas about restaurant protocol and table manners.
One should not start eating until everyone is served. At the end of the meal, the plates should be taken away at the same time.
If one finishes first and their plate is taken, then they feel self-conscious because they appear to be like a “ravening ditch-pig” (as my sons are fond of saying). If one eats more slowly, then they feel that they are slowing everyone down.
Stacking the plates gets the bottom of all the plates dirty, and I personally find it unappealing. (I was reprimanded by my snooty aunt once for stacking plates, and her snootier sister told me it was “Goosh” to drink tea with my pinky sticking out. Goosh. As you can see, I’ve been surrounded by experts my entire life.)
But it is the language of the servers that turns us into the Noam Chomskys of dining. Expressions such as “Are you still working on that?” makes us want to bring a tiny jackhammer and a Men at Work sign to place on the table.
“Can I get rid of that for you?” makes us wonder at what exact point our delicious meal became something that we had to get rid of. In fact, at what point does our clean plate become dirty? It’s clean when we get it. Do we make it filthy by virtue of eating off it?
But my pet peeve is having a server comment on how much or how little I’ve eaten (in my case, I do not over-order and I generally finish what’s on my plate—waste not, want not), They are not my mother and I am not a member of their clean plate club. Frankly, when servers, or anyone, comments on my empty plate, it makes me feel like a glutton.
That being said, we are kind and respectful to the servers. We understand that the management tells them to swoop down to clear the plates (Turn over the tables?) I was a waitress myself back in the day.
We engage in good-humored dialogue with them and we tip generously. But we do share the three words that our friend the restauranteur tells us that he trains his servers to say. It is this: “May I clear?” It’s neutral and open-ended, and the customers will let you know if they want you to “get rid of that”, or if they want to commune blissfully with their “dirty” plates.
